As I write this, 2008 is nearly over . . . only a few days are left and then: out with the old, in with the new. Of course, this 'old' and 'new' stuff is all just our invention, as is the arbitrary point in time when we mark the change of the year (by the time we hit the stroke of 12:00 PM on New Year's Eve, our planet will already be ten days into its next full cycle around the sun). For as long as humans have been around, we've been marking the changes of seasons and years, pretending that we're a part of a never-ending cycle of birth, growth, flowering, decline and death. So once again, we get ready to meet another New Year's Day and another new beginning and start the cycle all over again. Only, when we think this way, we're being more than slightly delusional. You see, regardless of how it seems, there are no cycles in our universe. When we see cycles, it's only because we're taking a two-dimensional view of our three-dimensional world.
The universe is expanding, our orbit around the sun is subtly shifting, our moon is creeping ever farther away from us as the forces of gravity act as a brake, slowing it down. The universe is not cyclical, but evolving: it's moving in a direction, from somewhere (and some-when) toward somewhere. With it, our lives evolve, too. Like old Ebeneezer Scrooge, 'We're not the men we were before.' If we look at our lives from too far above or below, we fail to see our progress, like viewing a spring from one end: it seems like an unbroken circle. It's only when we shift our perspective that we notice that the path of the spring takes it in a spiral, either upward or downward. Likewise, when you see patterns repeat in your life, you may be tempted to see them as repetitions of old lessons long learned but, in fact, they are brand new each time you revisit them because you are a different person and the world is a different place.
I wonder whether people, at this time of year, aren't asking themselves the wrong questions. Our traditions encourage us to make New Year's resolutions over the next few days. Are you asking yourself: 'What do I want to change about myself and my life?' Will that question really bring you the changes you seek? How well have you done with resolutions from the past? Experience with the way you keep (or don't keep) these resolutions should indicate a strong possibility that something just may be wrong with the way you're approaching this. Rather than asking yourself what is it that you need to change, perhaps you'd do yourself more good to ask yourself in what direction your life is headed. Given that you're not going around in circles, then you're either spiraling upward in growth and self-realization, or you're spiraling downward toward dissolution. When was the last time you stepped back to take a good, serious, sober look at all this? And, isn't this a good time to do it again?
Before you do, please allow me to give you a very serious word of caution: don't fall into the trap of self-delusion that can be so powerful an influence, especially during the midlife transition. Let's picture your place on the spiral of live as though you were a person riding a bicycle. Think about your experience of riding a bicycle uphill. If your goal is get to the top of a mountain, and you're riding your mountain bike on the trail, would you expect it to be an easy ride, or a difficult one? Which direction moves you closer to your goal: uphill, or downhill. Which experience builds your strength and endurance: pedaling uphill, or coasting downhill? The same insight works with the spiral path of your life. When your choices are difficult and it takes enormous effort to move ahead, do you think that you're climbing or descending the spiral of life's success? When your forward movement seems unhindered by obstacles or difficulties, do you think you're moving upward, resting on some (temporary) plateau, or drifting downward?
How do you feel when you've turned a corner in your life and there, ahead of you, is . . . another obstacle? Aren't you tempted to give in to discouragement? Don't you sometimes ask yourself, 'Is this all really worth it?' Beware of the times when you're tempted to say 'No!' I support and encourage you to change your life vision when you come to a dead end or when it no longer 'fits' the person whom you have become or the person whom you absolutely need to become. However, I warn you of the danger of changing direction simply because the path you have chosen is hard. Every path that you choose will be hard at some point or other. Those moments represent the greatest growth in your character and your personhood. Those times test the mettle of the love that you profess to have for others. As I often say, pain is not a punishment: it's a wake-up call, indicating that something important is happening in your life. Should you choose to run away from pain, avoid the difficulties that dog your way forward, and turn your life backward into a downward spiral of escapism, you'll learn nothing, accomplish nothing, and court the utter failure that marks the life of the coward.
You don't need to do this. It doesn't take a miracle. It doesn't take an act of God or the intervention of angels or the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. It doesn't take wealth or any special skills or tools. All it takes is a change of heart. Here's a beautiful quotation from Ella Wheeler Wilcox that I recently heard, that fits this situation perfectly:
One ship sails east and another sails west
With the self-same winds that blow.
Tis the set of the sail and not the gale
Which determines the way they go.
As the winds of the sea are the ways of fate
As we voyage along through life,
Tis the act of the soul that determines the goal,
And not the calm or the strife.
So my counsel to you as this year ends is to look, not at what deeds or behaviors that you may want to change, but in what direction the spiral of your life is taking you: upward toward the life's purpose that's continually calling to you, or downward into emotional or spiritual oblivion, heedless of that incessant tugging at your heart to make different choices. Choose your direction wisely. That's your only responsibility. Know that, if you choose to climb toward the loftier goals, your way may not be easy. Yet, that's not your concern. You'll meet and deal with those challenges as they come. Also, know that, should you have yielded to discouragement and chosen the downward spiral, it's never too late: you can change your direction at any time so long as there remains life in you, and even then, all you'll need to do is decide to change direction and take the 'road less traveled by.' As Robert Frost mused, "And that has made all the difference."
H. Les Brown, MA, CFCC
Copyright © 2008 H. Les Brown
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